Marriage of Ham Actors Attended by Ham Actors

by christopher taylor

BEVERLY HILLS, CA--Ham actors Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher were married last Saturday at an impromptu wedding attended by roughly 100 friends and family members. Attendees included such luminaries within the ham actor scene as Lucy Liu, Wilmer Valderrama, and Moore's ex-husband Bruce Willis.

The wedding, catered by Boise, Idaho-based ham purveyor Heavenly Ham, was a disappointment to Moore's daughter Scout.

"I wanted mom and M.O.D. [or "My Other Dad," as Kutcher is cloyingly described] to have [ham radio enthusiast and ham-fisted song writer] Burt Bacharach preside over the ceremony," complained Scout. "But they hired some religious guy instead."

Another attendee complained the couple "failed to perform broadly" during the ceremony, causing him to doubt whether they "really loved one another."