God Attempts Suicide with Occam's Razor

by christopher taylor

HEAVEN--Upset by some of her followers' mistaken belief that she does not desire that humans regularly "imbibe" and "know each other," God drew a hot bath on Wednesday evening and slashed her wrists with Occam's razor.

"Silly God," St. Peter sighed. "She thought she could end her life. How can you undermine immortality with blood letting?"

"If she had used a regular razor, Peter would have a point," countered Archangel Gabriel. "But by stealing, er, borrowing Occam's shaving kit, she was trying to open up her veins and let the ethereal logic to come inside. And it would have worked too if Michael hadn't happened along and faith-healed her wounds shut."

God is in stable condition, and is likely to be fully recovered from her injuries before the end of the millennium.