Peter Jackson to Cast Giant Sea Monkey as King Kong

by christopher taylor

BOISE, ID--Nine years ago, the Idaho National Guard discovered a new species of shrimp. "We didn't know what we had at the time. It was just this white, creepy, alien-looking thing," said Lt. Colonel Tim Marsano, one of the biologists who discovered the specimen. "After we consulted with some smart people in Denmark, we found out that we had discovered a new species of 'fairy shrimp.' Since the National Guard is part of the don't-ask-don't-tell American military, we've decided to refer to the creature in all official communications as a 'giant sea monkey.' "

The "giant sea monkey" has already been approached by several film studios about appearing as "the monster" in a summer blockbuster of the SF-horror persuasion. But it is Peter Jackson's phone call the giant sea monkey is eagerly anticipating.

"We hear that [Peter] Jackson's King Kong remake is not going well," the giant sea monkey's agent related. "The CG ape just isn't scary. I've been told Jackson is seriously considering scrapping three months worth of film, to be reshot using my client instead."

Jackson was overheard at a cafe in Wellington to have been "impressed" by the giant sea monkey's "enormous size," "aquatic-simian ancestry," and "carnivorousness."