Flavor Chemists: Where Are US Subsidies for Ethyl Vanillin?

by christopher taylor

TETERBORO, NJ--Near the wreckage of last week's plane crash, German flavor and fragrance company Symrise GmbH & Co. KG's American headquarters is busy churning out food additives for your breakfast cereal, ice cream, and Valentine's Day chocolates. As talk turns to government subsidies for the producers of necessary food products in the tasting room, the question is posed: where are the subsidies for artificial flavorings, like ethyl vanillin?

"I just don't get it," said flavor chemist Simarjeet Narula. "The wheat producers out West are bitching about Bush's proposal to cut their subsidies by five percent. Yet here we are, making something every bit as necessary for the country's health and nutrition needs--I mean, have you ever actually tasted some of this stuff pre-flavoring?--and we get nothing. Yes, I know, we're not even coming close to struggling financially. But neither are some of these farmers. Maybe if they distinguished between the ones who need welfare and the ones who don't, I wouldn't be so inclined to anger."

Scott Steele, deputy director of program analysis with the U.S. Department of Agriculture, did confirm there would be no subsidies for flavor chemical companies in this budget.

"I mean, we're trying to lessen spending here," Steele commented. "Yes, I know Symrise and FFS help Americans choke down the raw food products created by their agricultural brethren. And for this we are grateful. But we're got a budget to balance."