Al-Zarqawi's Collection of Heads Grows

by christopher taylor

DUBAI, UAE-- A few minutes of grainy video posted on the Internet confirmed that kidnapped British engineer Kenneth Bigley has lost his head. It is expected that Bigley's severed noggin will arrive with the rest of Abu Musab al-Zarqawi's collection by the end of the week.

"After al-Zarquawi's goons took Jack Hensley's head, I thought he'd be satisfied for a while," commented Maltese drummer Chris Brincat. "But this guy just can't stop collecting!"

"I had an aunt once that kept going to Antique Roadshow to buy crap from other people's attics," Bigley's brother Philip said. "This Muslim fuck is just like that, only instead of crap in people's attics, he's using my brother's fucking head!"

"I hope to take my heads on tour. I'll hit South Korea, in honor of Kim Sun-il, Bulgaria, to remember Ivaylo Kepov, and of course my favorite country in the world: the United States," explained al-Zarqawi. "Everybody loves severed heads! Just look at the delightful Futurama."