Scientists Isolate Quasi-virus "Spermazoa," Linked to STD "Pregnancy"

by christopher taylor

PROVO, UT--Scientists at Bringham Young University have isolated a microorganism "spermazoa," found naturally in males that has been linked to the common sexually transmitted disease "pregnancy."

"This is the biggest discovery since the discovery of HIV," exclaimed James Jensen, a professor of Microbiology. "This is the first step on the road to a cure."

Philosophy professor Dennis Rasmussen denounced Jensen's team's work. "Ethicists have long fought biology research in the field of sexually transmitted diseases because it promotes promiscuity and devalues the virtue of abstinence," Rasmussen explained. "If people stop having sex outside of marriage, this 'pregnancy' disease would vanish."

Rasmussen's pregnant wife, currently under investigation by the Provo Police Department for adultery, could not be reached for comment.