Lara Flynn Boyle Beheaded!

Scottish Tourists Enraged by Butchered Macbeth

by banquo

NEW YORK--Actress Lara Flynn Boyle was beheaded by visitors from Scotland attending an avant-garde production of Macbeth yesterday evening. The "cutting edge" version of "The Scottish Play" featured Boyle as Macbeth, Kyle McLaughlin as Lady Macbeth, all red costumes, and "those voice modifiers used by kidnappers," according to Boyle's production assistant.

"We also thought about having the entire cast hopping on one foot, but Kyle thought that would have been stupid," the show's producer-in-hiding stated.

"We just wanted to see some Shakespeare," explained Cathy Jamieson, one of the axe-wielding Scots. "And this skeletal ham-fisted tart butchered our beloved Scottish play. So we butchered her."

"She will be missed, of course," Boyle's ex-partner Jay Penske said. "But I don't blame those British Islanders at all for what they did. Someone had to."